By Jenny Newberry
One of the most heart-wrenching challenges a mother can face as her children mature into adulthood is watching one of our sons or daughters grapple with the destructive powers of addiction and often the homelessness that comes with it. Our instinct is to jump into the pit with them and fight for them, but it is a battle we can’t win. Only God has the power to snatch them from Satan’s hand.
I believe we are often tempted to fight our children’s battles rather than fully trusting the problem to God in prayer because we are afraid He will not give us the answer we want, when we want it. We must lean on our faith and trust that God loves our children even more than we do. He knows what our children need and will give us guidance for the part we need to play when we fully rely on Him.
Addiction is a complex issue that stems from a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors. It is a formidable weapon Satan uses to steal, kill, and destroy not only individuals but entire families. While poor life choices open the door for Satan and his demons, we are all sinners and are all in need of God’s mercy and grace. We have to shelter ourselves in the Biblical principles of compassion, forgiveness, love, and faith. We have to believe that with God nothing is impossible, but also be willing to accept His will, His way, and His timing which are perfect. If we expect that He is going to intervene in the way we wish, at a time of our choosing, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Who are we to tell God how to handle a situation? It took me a long time to come this realization in dealing with my own heartaches and concerns.
Use the Power of Prayer
Prayer is the cornerstone of Christian faith and provides us with a direct line of communication with our Heavenly Father. In moments of despair, we should turn to prayer as a source of strength, comfort, and guidance. Philippians 4: 6-7 (NIV) tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We don’t have to be worried and anxious to show our concern for our children, we can be at peace trusting that God can handle any problem they have in the way He chooses for He knows what is best.
We have to trust Him EVEN WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO OUR CHILDREN. But how do we do this? HOW?
We can renew our strength when faced with the challenges our child’s addictions bring into our lives by bringing our burdens to the Lord, seeking His guidance, and trusting His divine plan. We should surround ourselves with a network of friends, family, and fellow Christians who can join us in prayer, and support us in our faithful obedience to God’s direction.
Does this mean we are to stand by and do nothing, leaving our children to the consequences of their destructive behavior? Maybe, but in most cases that is not what trusting God in this situation means. Every situation is different and healing from addiction is most often a miraculous process, not an instant healing. Let God guide you daily and He will show you what is needed on your part for that day. Stop trying to read the last chapter to make sure there is a happy ending. If you are a Christian, eternity with God IS YOUR HAPPY ENDING and by being a Godly example, your children are more likely to follow your lead to salvation for themselves.
Just remember, we can’t do it for them, we can only be a light in their darkness.
Cultivate Understanding and Empathy
We need to treat our children with compassion and empathy even when their addiction controls their behavior. It may be hard for us to separate their actions and behavior from who they are as a person, but that is exactly what God does for each of us, and He expects no less in our relationships with others. According to Psalm 139: 14, we are each fearfully and wonderfully made. Matthew 7: 1-2 (NIV) tells us, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Instead of criticizing and blaming, try to understand what your child must be feeling, – the pain, fear, and hopelessness that is driving their addiction. We need to foster a relationship of trust and understanding if we hope to keep any line of communication open with our troubled child. We need to show that our love is unwavering even if we have to set boundaries and distance ourselves from their struggles. When someone is drowning, we are taught to give them a lifeline rather than being drug down with them.
Set Boundaries with Love
While we want to stay connected with our addicted children and reassure them that we love them and want to help, we must also be clear about our expectations. Setting healthy boundaries provides structure and protection for both our children and ourselves. Boundaries help us balance between showing love for children while also helping them accept accountability for their actions and maintaining our own health. We are no good to anyone, including our other loved ones, when we have depleted our own energies to the brink of despair. Have faith in God. Proverbs 22: 6 (NIV) tells us, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old, they will not turn from it.” Believe that the love and guidance you have poured into them their entire lives is not in vain.
Love Unconditionally
It is possible to love someone with your whole being without condoning or enabling their destructive behaviors. As a parent, it may be challenging to forgive your child for the pain they’ve caused, but harboring resentment only perpetuates the cycle of suffering. By choosing forgiveness, you free yourself from the burden of bitterness and open the door for God’s grace to work in both your lives.
Forgiveness is a requirement in Christianity, and it is especially significant in the context of addiction and homelessness. Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) instructs us, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Remember that forgiveness is not a one-time event but a continual process, requiring strength and reliance on your faith.
Practical Steps to Help
While relying on your Christian faith is essential, practical steps can also be taken to cope with the challenges of an adult child’s addiction and homelessness. Consider the following suggestions:
- Establishing Open and Non-Judgmental Communication.
- Avoiding Stigmatization.
- Educating Yourself on Addiction and Homelessness.
- Understanding the Challenges.
- Researching Local Services.
- Encouraging Professional Assistance.
- Engaging with Homeless Outreach Services.
- Setting Healthy Boundaries.
- Connecting with Support Networks:
- Exploring Housing Solutions.
- Encouraging Personal Development.
- Supporting Education and Employment Opportunities.
- Fostering Personal Growth.
Conclusion
Coping with an adult child’s addiction and homelessness is undoubtedly one of life’s most challenging trials. However, as Christians, we have a source of strength and guidance that surpasses human understanding. Through prayer, scripture, and a commitment to love unconditionally, you can navigate this difficult journey with faith and resilience.
As you walk this path, lean on the promises of scripture, such as Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV): “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Trust that God has a plan for your child’s life, and through unwavering faith and love, you can be a beacon of hope and support on their journey to recovery.
Remember that your adult child, despite their struggles, is a beloved creation of God. By approaching the situation with empathy, setting healthy boundaries, and fostering an environment of love, you create the conditions for God’s transformative power to work in both your lives.
